Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Lord is My Shepherd

The Lord is my shepherd
I shall not stumble
even while death is around
and all else crumbles

Hope that your catching this rhyme
from He that neither slumbers or sleeps
is the only One that watching all the time
and He's playing for keeps

I know this seems simplistic
so We'll open your mind
you see, the Way, Truth and the Life
flows like a river divine

-and people trying to find
a reason not to praise Him

when his birth, life and death
was written in history
and His coming dominion,
wasn't made a mystery

-so quit trying to save your own soul
and quit lying, you know you have a soul
and quit acting like He ain't coming soon
times are just like he said,
wars, sickness, death, the waters running red,
all the reasons why he bled,
better choose Him instead.

Monday, November 30, 2009


What's your plate full with young one?
Is it covered in self?
Or is it covered in Jesus--
forgetting all else?

This is a time to pause and remember,
His sacrifice, His coming, His lonely surrender
at the cross.

Born to die.
Can you imagine?
Born to save.
Not live in a mansion.

When all the wealth was His,
by Him everything was made,
and everything consists,
truly makes the price He paid
a reason to exist.

Can you breathe Him in?
Can you reach Him with your cries?
He is near you every minute, every second,
so don't try, remember.

So I ask you again young one what's on your plate?
Are you dining on and serving up the only food that
sustains the soul? Or are you feasting on the the
stuff you can see, touch, taste--
the stuff in a minute that time will erase.

This is
line of

If you don't get this, there will be a reckoning.
You have been commissioned; please yield to His beckoning.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

when love lacks

Is part of aging becoming numb
Jumping from planes for what I've come from
If you know the answer then Oh Beckon Me
Let me bathe in surrender that knows no retreat
Rightfully entreated, mastered like a track
I fled twice sideways
you brought me back

within your hold
within your touch
I'm gaining the reasons I love you so much

And I'll never drink that way again
Misshapen freedoms, a whole world of lack.

And I'm all over you
when you find me again
And I'm still knowing you
when morning's come and went

Love lost, repeated
is a spiteful friend
all the ways I love you
all the ways I love you
cannot bridge the divide
when you walk one way
and I go with Christ.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

ready to serve

midway between finding myself and finding You
thank God I found You instead
You showed me
me in a different light

now I think I can do better
now I think I can be better
at least to them if not me
but Your love for me will continue
to transform

everything I'm coming from
even when I'm worn
finally, finally,
no need for alarm

I'm safe in Your arms
and I believe it.

everything it cost.
the more I built myself,
the more I went looking for fame, wealth,
everything else.
the more I lost You,
the more I didn't care
the more people seemed like images of the Divine
creeping into your life
to steal your mind.

I'm no longer made to serve.
I serve now willingly.
Only hoping to find that You forgive my inability
to trust You.

I'm writing this for you.
I'll try to make this plain.
When you're secure enough to trust in what you have,
then you've forgotten the Source of it all.

Psalms 91:2 I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Monday, November 9, 2009

the Laver

It was in your face in mine
when I kissed Grace for the very first time
the cause for which we dance
the searching, stretching, daily romance

We looked into the laver
endearing traits that fade over time
the time, it passed in spaces that we couldn't understand
and where we went,
well, it wasn't in the plan
but we return, and see Him again

We suppose the maidens are craving their mirrors be returned
so that they can stare into their own eyes again
but I imagine their near repenting of that sin
And when we return to the temple,
we return again as priests.

We minister to the King and He has called us kings.
We minister to the sheep, and they are ever wandering...
like us.

So today we thought to ask,
what we never thought to ask before,
for fear that they answer would bring our grace obsolete,
when we travel far from Thee,
do you wander also and others seek?
Or does your love stand as a solid flame?

Staring still into the laver,
until we see Your eyes,
we are reminded-the planets, the stars,
and all the waters of the oceans,
are not as precious as our soul,
there size does not make them greater,
just like our experience does not make us greater
but faith.

For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His. You have acted foolishly in this. Indeed, from now on you will surely have wars. 2 Chronicles 16:9

Sunday, November 8, 2009

and now the final burden lifted

and now the final burden lifted or rather laid at His feet
I am at the place of asking where peace and victory meet

so many have come athirsting
wanting to drink from my cup

and to those I would freely give,
haven't wanted as much

I put down ambition, made thick by attrition
and now I have many that come

there aren't enough spoons,
but oh I forgot...
I must move daily to Him like the moon

Monday, November 2, 2009

A Response poem for Tobias Humphrey

I will commemorate Tobias, meaning God is good,
portraying God is hate.
His thinking as a Christian soldier was,
"I have license to berate
everyone that shuns my views,
from distant borders like Kuwait."

Don't tell me love the Muslim brothers.
They say Muhammad's great.


I was waiting many months for God to give me wisdom to reply.
I had no idea why a Muslim brother would park here and reside.
But, we have the same Creator. Let His name be praised. And if
he says praise Muhammad, I'll still love him all my days.

It's like this. He said love is truth. If I love them then I'll
tell them the truth. But what about the truth in love? You can't
smack someone on the head, tell them their stupid and say it's
in the Name of Love.

I am almost dying here. I was almost crying here, when I read
the things you wrote. I only thought such hatred lived in the
hearts of those who smote
our Lord.

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Reflections on my miseducation

Tell me you're the benevolent type that will bless me with knowledge
yeah the god you worship
Don't play pretend with me
Your works are tokens; your actions speak.

Some hated you to death.
You breathe, receive curses on the eve of your "prosperity's" day of worship
I'm not with it
handing out diplomas on what we have built
everything temporal
everything wilts

Fair flower with the grace of God, the face of God,
the light of God in your eyes, tell me
How did you get so rank?
Every time you drank others' knowledge
and preached it to me, you stank.

I'm finished. I think for you, I prayed everyday.
While you had your foot on me, while others wept,
pleaded and joined the fray.

Now is your golden moment, another chance to pretend.
No other god before us. This might be your ruining...
if you raise your foot again and not praise.

Praise Him! the preacher said

Is this consciousness absence from you
like the preacher said?

Is that why I see you more clearly
when I close my eyes?

And what of when I am alone?
Isn't it better then?
On my face again,
without a thought.

So when we erase it. No we chose the
taste of it. I'm clothed in my knowledge
of the world, not yours.

Freedom's Sound

A blanketed window fell
after I stepped into a space of grace
Never asking why, this wasn't my wish
but I had decided to be here with you God

Who was fanning the furnace
while You and I stood within

speckled shades, they were wearing, ash, crescent, glasses
orange and yellow sparks and white light burning away the dross

How precious it is to me that I did not ask
to receive your grace and favor

What a precious place to be. Transparent. Hated. Free.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

living waters flowed

Maybe in my mind I thought that beside Him I could be taught success and truth,
with all my mind,
I've wasted time
I've wasted time

with all my mind...I've wasted time

Hear wisdom child.
The Lord gives wealth.
Hear wisdom child,
there's nothing else,
that you should seek--
desiring week by week

wellsprings, living waters flowed, from within when I said no
to other teachers.
Hearing His Word, Writing His Word, Teaching His Word--
Let His NAME be heard.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Might come or lovely bones

Brother dear will I see you there in paradise when I come?
Two years rushing to nowhere.
Your life made me sad
Your death made me mad
that I hadn't yet lived

I asked God what to give
I asked God how to get
everything that I'm dreaming and still
two years later
run from run and nothing.

Thinking what it's made me.
Humming how it's made you a passing thought.
Things that I can never forget, boundaries set by
a flaming sword sits between me and you.


All this long way, I'm coming home.
I'm coming home.
Both of us promised not to live long;
Touching things coming, being things gone.

thoughts on the passing of my dear brother

How He Saved Me - a story

One time, a long time ago. I found myself in bed with the enemy
insatiable desire. He looked like bronze sun, raven hair, raven eyes,
his voice too sang out like a bird's. Walks under the moon with me,
with knowing. I pulled him into the crazy times too.

But, one night, I was there, near indulgence,
about to feed this humanity, this disease
insatiable desire. And then this song played
on the radio...

And methinks I heard the voice of God ringing out.
No Child. Go Child. No Child. Go Child
It's a funny thing. For the first time, clothed in my nakedness,
floating in the dark, I almost stayed there.
If you traded it all, it you gave it all away for one thing...
Those words were blacker than the pearls unlocked...
the ones my mother never gave me.

Rolled over into the dark expansion,
Death was gazing sweetly; I was in his mansion.
He caressed me once more. I hurried still to flee back
home before daybreak brought my fellows to thinking
other things about me.

It was fun, but not worth a life. I hugged death and kissed
him goodbye. To die for pleasure? I don' t think my feet
beat on the earth all the way home. I think He carried me.
I don't remember anything but a bright moon, cold air,
and that song. That Song! "One Thing" played on.

Friday, October 23, 2009

On Dreaming

Feel like it is a hardening cloud of doubt
when I'm in I'm out of it
I feel like everyone's a friend
I want to paint the lives of fairy tales, wishes,
then I wake up and doubt if I was dreaming

Because this God, this greater Being
Has given me eyes for seeing--The Great Beyond
If I doubt that we are here
If I hear the weight of glory rushing in
when I look into your tear drenched existence
What else can it be
But a waking dream?


Today I poured through the dreamscapes of nine years ago.
I searched for the girl I've come to know, but I found me
there in her stead. Laughing at was was hoped for and what
was said. It's like dead men trying to reach their loved ones
across a gulf to paradise and the lost ones...that believed.

My mother told me that she's happy I'm awake-realistic.
It is anguish to me. I swore that I would never forget that
science and liberties to not define what is. It's all in the mind
it's all in time that you find--the strength to climb the

In my dreams I was in love. I loved in many places. I loved
through smoke enough to bring those sights and sounds
before my waking eyes. The frightening, quickening sounds
that remind you that your being is not made of flesh. it seems I loathe to be that free. I must be careful
with you and me. I cannot trust that you'll be good. I never
give like we know we should. And I'm irritated that I have
even thought to rhyme about it. Because at one point it was
not my song.


Bright lights, bright lights, you're squinting
you pulled away from it
Those winds can turn you over
when it seems you could not be moved
the more you're awakened the more you lose--
touch with that place where love and mystery clothe you.
And you're not ashamed to bear your nakedness because you're
wrapped in God. Back to chaos--away with order as defined by the
lesser mind. If you can feel the crimson flood, if you can hear the horn
of righteousness. If you can really know that everything is wrong and it's okay
because this world is ending in a day. Then crash, crash into it--the chaos, that order He permits.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Absent Flying

I was stirred until I reach the top of the world and found no cap.
Now and wintering in soft states, wondering where I'm at.
It's alright I got to see my friend.
I learned she'd been beaten for leaning on Him.
I learned that she and her family are scared to pray.
Scared to raise a hymn, too scared to praise.

Blue lights, black nights
They're running here.
Too bruised, life oozed like toothpaste 'til
Bright angels came, with mystery names.

Bought a pass to the States.
Thought it would equate
to freedom
freedom was in God
'cause you thought with more laws
to protect you or a clause to prevent them from
beating you like it was their jobs
you could have more

But, you learned with every dollar
that none of this is making sense
How the pressures on you hotly
and the company pays your rent

You're promoted, never scolded and you feel like you're
alright. But, those glimpses at a freedom that you had when
you were caught -- praying to our God
are gone.

You're forlorn.
You reach for home.
God has your name in His book.
I knew you.
Didn't have to look.
He found you.
Now He's bringing you out.

Swift like a blaze,
eating what we grazed yesterday.


My mouth's on a mountain.
And I'm calling out.
Captives taste freedom.
He's cutting the route.

I thought that I would
dig and cut
but I learned I couldn't do nothing much
He with His strong arm and power
He that keeps you every hour
He that catches every tear
He that changes tides and years
He was listening, while I was sleeping and wishing
He has the keys to every door.
And He's leaning in more and more, as you let Him.

I saw the Father cry. When they hit you, after He died
to protect you from every harm.
I saw Him weep, when they tried to break you teeth,
when they held your arms and made you bleed.

He cried, then roared, and sent an earthquake.
He swore--by Himself
and sent you first rate sojourners to be their aid.
My Father, same yesterday and today.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Of Christendom

the ever absent freedom to choose
the right to be wrong is what we lose

when we will seek God praying, ever
when we we will love God wholly, never

...but He loves us.

Paradise Needs Hell

Solid fire
Pillars in I and you
Then the conclusion that permanence is an illusion
Just like solidity

And if it's false
Then He can touch
And He can heal
And we can fly and be moved

When you're walking on plains of existence
on Solid fire
and all above is liquid earth

Frightening isn't it?
To be a creator.
Every absent sound
You were dreaming up.

Every lacking detail, you held in your mind.
You made paradise to love me.
Paradise needs hell.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


when I'm looking for a shield, praise
waiting to be healed, praise
searching, truth concealed, praise

when I'm in an open field, praise
freezing, blood congealed, praise
fainting, test revealed, praise

Then suddenly answers hit my soul like lightning
As I surrender the cause, lift my eyes, stop fighting

when everything's alright, praise
laughing, heart is light, praise
all answers in sight, praise

when succeeding knows no height, praise
feasting in delight, praise
resting, life so bright, praise

Man this was a time to unreason reason,
and this is a song for every call and every season,
When you're praising and praying to a God like Jehovah
You need to stop chasing time and see reality is over.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Cover Me with Your Love - a song

Cover me, cover me with your love,
shelter me from above,
Cover me.

Cover me, shield me from evil thoughts,
mourning all that was lost,
Cover me.

Chorus: Wherever it ends. Wherever it ends.
May our hearts be closer to God.
Wherever it ends. Wherever it ends.
May our lives bring glory to God.

Cover me, deliver me from myself',
trusting something else,
Cover me.

Cover me, lead me into your rest,
carry me through the test,
Cover me.

Chorus: Wherever it ends. Wherever it ends.
May our hearts be closer to God.
Wherever it ends. Wherever it ends.
May our lives bring glory to God.

We're not fighting anymore.
Just don't leave us to endure.
All the mess we've made alone...

Cover me, cover me with your love,
marry earth and above,
Cover me.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Waiting to be Heard

There was a sound, a war cry about to go out--
one that all the people were gathered around with icy fingers to hear.
The promise of a life, and full suit,
The bits and pieces had been arranged.
And whispers year by year, the name...
of the one they feared.

Locked out;
And the walls are too high!
Who will let us in...
Driven out;
and our clothes too thin--
the base too deep,
the times too hard.

And they're waiting.
They're waiting within.
With warm feet, chords...and winning.
'Till He steps in.

This cry was waiting to be heard--
existed before fight and word.
And here with blistered fingers, tired feet and moans,
We've begun to turn and topple stones.
Crazy, hungry eyes, determined.
Every battlement is learning He is the Lord.

(Based on Isaiah 42: 13)
Jehovah as a mighty one goeth forth. As a man of war He stirreth up zeal, He crieth, yea, He shrieketh, Against His enemies He showeth Himself mighty. (Youngs Literal Translation)

Saturday, September 5, 2009

A Poem at Breakfast

Forever, never--you had both poles of my soul
Love like a guinea pig, cute at first,
but then such a chore.

Funny. This is how I'm remembering you,
After you were that inquisitive smile on my face
for so long.

People never know why I didn't need new clothes,
Starbucks, or executive pay to feel special.
Guess you too never knew, until I said
I was in love with you.

Too bad that was the day I also said goodbye;
I'll wear your memory like a yellow ribbon;
you'll wear mine like a tie.

The illusion of sophistication always made you look good;
too bad I had to be knotted up and twisted awkwardly
to realize it was for show.

Maybe 30 todays from now you'll have a new tie--no commitment-
which one looks better, which one suits my mood,
which one makes me feel more secure,
which ones do my friends like, which one thinks they're my only

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Whoring After Other Gods

god's of Harvest, Fertility, and Love
to fill our lust
we instill our trust

in blues and purples
and golden paint
out of gold dust

that we drank
as we wished for
what we consumed to grow

It's a image you know
what's before your eyes
everything you touch--
everything that fades

He's winking at you from behind the clouds
the one that made your eyes
His exalted Kingdom-far from your mind
is close like time

Another thing you cannot escape
death and judgment
or pearly gates

I gave the god of CHASE eight thousand yesterday
He gave me eight days to live in waste
I gave the god of CHEVROLET eleven thousand
I still pay him everyday
The god of CITIBANK two-hundred thousand,
our lust us flowing like a fountain

when He would freely give us all good things
if we'd wait and just believe.
the god of the nearest Bali Fitness, the god of Sephora and Dior
all those plain before our eyes
won first our praise and answered our sighs


static, ecstatic that He never went away
waits for me to finish my drink at the Dead Sea
bitter waters
I drank freely

living waters,
they lead you to
the True Source;
how can I?

They make me realize that I am inadequate still
inadequate to save one or the world
but, He died to be The Way
died to quench our thirst

Can you believe
someone you cannot touch
can be everything?

Can love everyone?
Pleasantries, Cheshire smiles,
they lead you wherever you want to go--
to bad you never know

Good for me is the taste of freedom
It looks like black hair, brown eyes, and a wrist watch
Sweet words I swear I've never heard
Good for me
until I'm sick on sweetness

He held me in the bathroom as I threw up
unimaginable things
what I think I didn't eat
He was always there beside me

Struck down death
the antiserum for my poison
And black waters stink
but once you drink long enough...


unwilling to move to where He's calling
you almost think they're sweet

Could there be better for me?
It will turn you over like yesterday
This realization that you drank bitter waters
freely for four years...

...and He never stopped calling you home.

Falling Petals

They were beauty
so fragile
the fragrance for a moment you cannot imagine
you cannot hold
which I passed by on this night
filled me with marvelous life

something He knew
flowers are beauty
for moments
too soon passed

nurture them
they still fall
each falling petal
is Your falling hopes
that beauty be everlasting

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Won't Back Down

And finally it's cost me everything to say that He is my Lord and my God
It's not what I thought I would have to pay
It never is
Remember that; it will always cost more than you think:
I said it's beautiful and I have a plan for how it could be,
but generous,
my Father waited to give me something better
then I finally let go--
How to embrace eternity
some knew it meant forgetting your life
That's what He said, He said lose this life to gain it.

Today I feel like a soldier,
more lost friends than I can count,
tomorrow I'll be a princess near His throne
gathered round with the worshipers
that gave it all.

Luke warm in the fire
luke warm--and thinking I'm fine
And in the valley of decision
I didn't fall...amazing He holds me still.

He loves me.

Thursday, August 20, 2009


Immeasurable the weight of a life
a coming birth
and you were known
and you are known

and you were formed
and you are being formed

will you pretend that you stand alone
a beautiful happenstance
a perfect chance

these blue mountains
this white washed earth
every little paradise in your eyes

can they be
without Him?


I know he put the title in for the movie before the show
It's a long story that was written by lapses in belief
A swimmingly simple path is the one that denies the eyes
an opinion. So there are none.

A response to Child by Nidji

The Fullness of God

We'll all need to make this apology to ourselves
and to our Father at least one time in our lifetime
at second birth or at death
for being less than we should be
and knowing all the beauty of the Almighty was there
for giving precious time to meaningless endeavors
and for holding love back from the ones that needed it the most

We have to apologize to ourselves because we have come up short
and cheated ourselves of the fullness of God
and we will apologize to Him because His beauty strikes terror in our hearts

But every moment is lacking a frame
We make these invisible frames
when time cannot be measured
the illusion of an age, a memory ended, the past forgotten
It is One.

If we remember the fluidity of the ocean
and how nothing is created or destroyed
how can we then think the past is gone
this is how He is and how He speaks
and the old Word the new
remember this

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

I thought of you

I thought of you this day as I was sitting at my window with sighs of what wasn't
You always listened and yet you could never hear what I was trying to say
You always thought this was dream or game of pretend
And when I asked the questions with answers that could endure
You didn't answer

Then what held me, I wonder.
I questioned my Father many times.
He didn't answered, by and by.

And though I knew it was foolish.
I kept trying to understand love with a woman or with a man.
And love with God, well it's not simple.
And love for a friend; I have never tried.

Then love is a friendship when neither lies.


I think when I was comparing our lives I realized that you were wise,
but too determined to be smart and hardworking
and I was only determined to be smart

And you said hey come over here
And I said I could not possibly go there
And though this love will never end
--neither will the suffering

We were too smart to come together.

You spoke a few times of my God
as if you knew Him
but if you knew Him you would have never...
tried to bring me into your father's house alone.

...I'll remember the years with a smile
maybe at eighty with a cigarette and coffee
when youthful love has crumbled like coffee cake--
always too sweet for my taste.

And you, you'll keep your daddy warm,
your lawn mowed,
and watch your sister like your stocks.

You Can't Win This One

Let's suppose your lover were on a stream floating away with another.
And let's suppose he thought you never saw him through the morning mists.
And let's suppose you were willing to take the risk of being noticed.

Hello how are you,
Who Is This?
Oh a friend from work, how nice you missed today.

And let's suppose you hid your jealousy underneath and tried to be kind that week.
Let's suppose you didn't say a word as the questions corroded your soul.
Let's suppose you ignored all the signs that you were not the only one,

to Have and Hold your dearest friend.

No. You sat on the bank that day, after they had sailed away.
You contemplated a secret kill; just like every lover will.
And after crying your eyes out 'til you turned pale.
You passed through the gardens of your ill will,
and thought of how to win him back,

But, with the present wounds you know, you cannot turn a old stream's flow.

the window that went

I guess there was a small window in which I was entertaining this idea of wretchedness
like she did
with her pretty prayers and daily study and still no testimony near holy

and me, harsh words, abrasive even to those I love for no reason
though I would give my spleen to a stranger

but which way is better?

how many are touched by her show of piety
how many will see in my deeds God Almighty

and so I am burning up under my calm expression--
as she shares all she shouldn't have learned from life's lessons
and then I quietly think though all the others that have no show of the Change
as she quietly says her evening prayers.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Full Belly Thirst

I am 13 shades of great after being with you
I am 18 shades of blue after parting for more than a day
And what is this witness inside my heart
stiffly reminding me to not even start
to seek you

Bandied the witness that you weren't true
Cuddled wisps of memories I could construe
And when all the laughing stopped
Frantic I ran for the schnapps

The bottle is the picture of our addiction
Knowing it will empty is our affliction
Still full bellied thirsting with all our desire
We long for The Water and God that's a fire

Monday, July 20, 2009

So Crazy to Believe


I will speak of this departure from faith in me to faith in Him.
I will speak of this path of trusting love of the Unseen.
Let me speak a while...

At first fear will seize you.
And then reason and reasoning.
And then, if you'll read of those that went before-confusion.
Are you listening?

Then you will have to do the most annoying thing.
You'll have to wait until He speaks.
And though it take years, it won't be long.
And you will understand eternal reasons for ending wrongs.

Maybe you'll be kind to your neighbor - the stranger, the friend.
Maybe you'll love in a ways you'd never imagine.
But I promise you this, the more you hear from Him,
the more you see Him, the more you understand,
Faith is always in here, the more you can...

The Blessing in the Word

So I heard that it was the word that he spoke of God that was his fate
So I hear that it is the words that I speak of God that is my own

And I wonder if it really was the good report that was long life to Joshua and Caleb
And I wonder if my ill report is the cause of my failure


"The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord."

(Bottom line: believe that He is Good.)

And the Lord is good. I cannot lie.
Though I may not witness it ere I die.
Therefore let my witness say,
"Bless Him Glory of the Morn and Day!"

And through the backdraft.
Bless His name.
Beauty for ashes,
yet to gain.

Be a good witness in the land.
Speaking truth, and of His plan:
To give us good and take us in
to paradise without end.


Oh God when you come down
let countless witnesses be found
Those uttering truths not fears.
Those that shut the eyes and ears.

Awaiting the promise.

When God speaks let us BELIEVE!
His word endures through eternity.


Come examine the grace He has given us
He's more than a father
He is the peace external and peace within us

Tired thought weaves paths to the unknown--
Restless travelers weak, forlorn.

The answers were never out there.
Only lies.
Only lies.
Only lies the chance to weigh the world.
Tell me you've found the scale.

Monday, July 13, 2009


What when you are reaching for the one
that you think that has the answers
and they do not reply?

What to do when your energy is spent?
In every sense.
Even a breath about it is labored.

Shall you listen to your mother's words
or that of your father? Bred in hate.
You say, I am not like them.
They love everything that looks and feels
like themselves.
I love everything that looks and feels
like itself.

Stretching to reach the one with the answers
I perceived that person, that loves like me
could see like me, and give me the answer that
I seek.


The phone rings at the wrong hour!
She is too busy!
Is she too busy?

Love mingled with patience---pain.
Yeah, I imagine she's listening and watching
but without care
that caring compassion
was worn with the years.

Now her love for her future
occupies her days.
Her love for all others
forsaken for ways
to make cash?

I stop my reaching at last...
You God?
Are you chuckling?
Because I know you take years to answer
what moments could give

So I searched to seek
You searched to teach
I wandered to listen
You wandered to be
my answer.

Monday, July 6, 2009

And even when...

her countenance has fallen
she's angry to dwell on this earth away from love
she bargained with God for a measure of goodness
if You give this for that, she said, my life is yours...

hmhmhmph to the One that owns everything.


now she sees sadness everywhere she looks,
like a child,
yes, like a child,
she thought, "I'll just wrench my life back then."
In His hands--the fighting and the wrenching,
the burning and disappointment.

What was in her eyes when she looked at me...
the fear of the fallen, that the world was not mended,
that everything is still not right and may never very well be
in her time.

In her time she just wanted to stretch out to the sky in defiance.
i can fly
earth you fade
i continue
i can fly

And with a mind pregnant with such ambitions
she waited for them to become

...what's my place?
I saw in her eyes my saddness.

"Let God be God."


You were not made to be a giant,
but to go forth with meekness and giant deeds on this earth.

You were not made to endure as long as the sun,
but as long as the Son is with you.

Be sure His Spirit be with you when you make your fantastic plans.
...cause sometimes these beautiful and grand deeds that we think
we are supposed to do for Him,
they don't come close to completion
no not to beginning.

Do not strive He said.
Be still and know that I am God.

Let's build Him another house while we wait.
The One above the heavens.
Let's build Him another house,
that the poor and the needy
cannot enter.

Where your brothers are the wolves.
Ravenous, not for your flesh but for dreams...
dare not dream while they sit,
dare not move in their sight,
no do not ask for prayer or a blessing,
they will counsel you that the dream is born
of a foolish heart.

And even when you swear you heard God Himself speak.
They will say be silent.

And even when you're building a bridge there with prayer and tears.
They will say be quiet.

So even when all seems untouched and unmoved by the Mighty One.
And you have put all that you could and should into this dream. sees without seeing.

Sunday, June 14, 2009


So I haven't posted a poem here in a while because I've been monitoring the type of content that I post here. I've been writing other poems though that do not match the theme of this blog. Today I'll give it another go because the poems here are all responses to something...mostly music.

"the desire for beauty, which is the image of the divine." -Ficino

Seeing you is not the movement I was listening to last night
I was listening to a song without sound and pictures
staring at the screen knowing this madness of wanting was
again ensuing.

Not seeing you was the movement I was listening to
and so tears and tears came
I was shaken as I realized it was ending
how cruel it always ends when we've made a connection


Yesterday as I sat by myself I wondered if this was hell.
Separation from Love
Knowing faces that look like Him
faces that talk like Him
those faces that grin when they abuse you.

And I cried because faith believes differently.
My chaste Christianity came crashing down!

What if this was hell?

What if we were really the fallen?
with a book that told the story of our demise...
so the truth doesn't eat at us like a plague.
So we don't jump off of the nearest path to peace.


Many seasons come and go, and go, and go, and go,
The world is really crooked.
Why would God come and not tilt it back again.
He calmed His seas.
He cursed his lands.

And he's coming back with a sword to conquer it again?

Many things tonight are rushing through my head
Mainly the cold
how life is in the blood
and as I sit on this cold rock, smell of the pine, longing for your body,
I wonder why the Creator formed us to long.

Can creation - procreation happen without love?
Would we die without love?
And what if we were created without these silly emotions
more real than the things that we can see
these silent...invisible things...that create everything.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Spheres of Hope

When I see her
she is the one always dancing and laughing for no reason
she kicks up dirt with her heels to see it fly
and is fascinated by the strength of the ant

What did they come together to defend against something larger that they didn't understand?
What did they sting?
And did she flee!

And she laughs on the way.
The Power of the ant. The power of hope.


I've spun aimless circles around this concept of inner peace.
And what I've pieced together is together there is warmth.
And together we can build, apart from sharing our gifts
--given so unequally for a purpose
is endless suffering.

You pushed her down yesterday.
You need her today.
You defamed Him yesterday.
You call Him today.

Separate from what you believe to be the truth
is the fact that you need them because they give you a
hope of a complete existence.


Looking up at the dark sky one wonders...
is this existence or an illusion?
Is the Test to believe?
Is the Great Test to hope?

Hope it's true that He's up there,
loving us,
hoping that He'll return.

Hoping that the dormant passions
that once lit up this place will live again
Will you remember this for me if I don't?

It's more than you can conceive or begin to think,
Your place in this world.
Your place to rule in your little sphere.
And your purpose--
Yes the reason you were sent
was to create hope.

Thursday, May 28, 2009


you were being love
before you opened your eyes for the first time
before you sang
before you put on flesh

you had being
and a mind
and were all in Truth

you were being love
without a thought or try
and you had in you all that you could imagine

and then you were born
...and died.


you saw others unlike you and questioned why you were not the same
you searched the world for your likeness but there were none only strangeness
you cast off your uniqueness because you were looking for Love

and He, in His love had let you go
to love everything and everyone that He had made...for you
you're still looking for Him
and others too with that pang visible in their eyes
what was created while longing for Love?
a whole earth of unlikeness!


And then one day you heard Him say, "I AM here."
And you thought it was your mind,
but there was something inside you that moved
that hadn't moved before
and you wondered

8 years later, 2 years from a decade of living lies
He spoke again, "Who you are is a lie."
And there was so much you were trying to create.
He said, "Who you are changes."
"The Truth does not change."

And then your thoughts about this flesh that you had put on
and these clothes, and this car, more education
it would pass, it was passing, and the flesh in constant decay.
You would see Him one day, you would see You one day.
And in that day you would be in complete being.

That He Would Call Me Friend

there was no bowing out of this opportunity
and there was no way of escaping this mission
two years
no three I had walked the other way
now write
now write with me
now "Let's do this together."

Last year I said I would do it for you.
Before I said I would do it for Him.
And many years ago I said I would do it for me...

and the books, the books they sit in my mind unwritten
so I blog to forget
I blog and neglect this mission, this calling.

But who can neglect so great a salvation.
The pen and the sword that cuts and creates lies.
I will write Truth.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Wisdom

I cannot fully describe the shadow of death that was lifted;
You know when you've touched death.
You don't appreciate your existence.
You know the disappointments leading you there.

And at some time God steps in there and says live.
He says breathe to breathe, sing to sing, a live to enjoy.
And those things your grasp at that you have not attained,
you don't need them anyway. Not now.

To be now.
All you need is to realize what you have;
one could argue that one has nothing,
but gifts are given, and given abundantly from the Lord
for all to profit withal.
Do not be ashamed by what you have;
do not be saddened by what you don't have.

Be a witness wherever you go,
that a place that is better exists,
that true liberty is here for those that would die to find it.

Enigma number one.

How is that those that choose life
choose death...

I wrote the other day that I was not living to die
I was dying to live. In some small measure: the answer comes back
they are one and the same,
contained within the mystery that is God.
We live and die to Him,
but we are eternal.

It will be a perfect circle when we cross into eternity.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


He wants to call sickness simply a state of disease.
I cannot really measure the depth or the cause.
I know that it improves. We put more into our care for a little while,
and then we are well.

Are we well?
Is nothing ailing us?

I know it is all caused by the distance.
The distance between us and God causes all sort of
dis-ease and dis-order.

But what when we come to Him?
What when were are near to Him everyday?
In His presence is fullness of joy.
And what we sought out there.
What we sought while we were away.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

in hand

Fearless with steel in her hand--
with steel in her eye she searched him.
What she wrote, no mystery, not cold,
No intentions to cut,
but truth severed their hopes.

Bleeding Truth!

Now castles and happily ever after,
do seem like fairy tales.
She wrote it all;
she bled it all out on the pages--
beauty, life, truth.

at once consumed

And who wouldn't be moved?
She stopped reading him,
She rinsed her soul with tears.
She took her sword and retired it
for the years of fighting now meant nothing.

The words were not meant to kill
their hopes
But with every lie there is already risen Truth.
Truth has already bled for this day.
He won't have to.
Though the pain is no illusion,
and though love remains a mystery,
with pain in love she holds the sword to her heart.

Love Never Fails

So if love failed, then there wasn't love there to begin with
if love can turn so quickly to disinterest
to hate
then a falsehood, a mimicry
So what was the passion, near God-like?

And who keeps hoping to find His likeness?
And is it grasping at the wind,
that we in our mortal form,
can act or be like Him?

Can act
or be


Deadness is the wasting when you are not giving
Death is the next exhale into meaning
Sinless it quietly whispers that it has more life than you

You know what you were yearning for,
to be broken from the hope of escaping...
You were yearning for a place where you arrive,
but earth moves
that is the only truth you know

Maybe nineteen kingdoms from now He'll come
not for the rescue
but for the conquering of mankind
till then the Spirit prays 'Thy Kingdom Come'
and the heart sings a different melody, unsung

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Love You Like a Song

The shadows in my memory are clearing
I know I loved you in times past
when freedom was the only option
why are you so closed with yourself?

Everything was like green fields in Springtime
I would walk and see beauty everywhere
I would sing your name
and the strangest things would remind me of you

Now the memories are like distant cries
or forgotten lyrics
they create an uncomfortable feeling
that makes me want to erase any memory of you at all

The song of our past is still sweet,
I remember it and smile,
but the now is like the discordant trills of a fallen bird
when you know the best option is just to kill it
rather than watch it die slowly.


My Thoughts on Loving Recklessly

Forget lighting another candle,
why not burn it up?
Why not pour out that passion inside of you?

They say nothing is lost in lighting another candle,
careful steps along the brink of heaven's way.
Do you want to feel what it's like to be under a flood of love?

Love recklessly,
with your eyes on heaven
and not on others
the love will rush back to you like a tidal wave.

What was it you feared?
Scare them with your perfect love.
They will tremble in light of Him.

If God is love and God is a consuming fire,
then isn't our job to be like Him and burn up our
selfishness, manipulative behavior, and lack with love?

Love reigns in the everlasting.
The powerful force that cannot be tamed.
Let Love ignite your spirit so you can set others aflame.

Hebrews 12:29 For our God is a consuming fire.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


There's nothing better than being in Love, really.
From this place, in Love, you just, just...give.
And it pleases you to give with your heart.
And you would kiss the other's existence--
just because, just because...sometimes they remind you of Him.

And He's Holy, and He's Righteous, and He's Good.
And His goodness adds to your goodness and their goodness;
and soon your just enamored with Him.

Did you know? Did you consider that all He has said is Truth?
Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down,
and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom.
For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.
(Luke 6:38)

You cannot love too much and it will always be the accepted currency in heaven.
If you don't love you are nothing; apart from Love is death.
Love unreasonably, fearlessly, and even with indignation against hate.
You find yourself receiving Judas' kiss,
looking at him with loving eyes and smiling, when you are in Love.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Who Is Like Our God

He raised the waters
He made them still
He led us through them
We were not confounded in their midst
We were not overtaken and drowned

Our enemies pursued us
Our enemies pursue us
Our giant faith stands on the water's edge
Their dead bodies float by the water's edge

We sing who is like our God?
Bringing many hosts of warriors to naught?
We sing who is like our God?
Making a way in the midst of waters too high for us.

We sing as the Shepherd leads us to green pastures
After we have fought with enemies stronger than us
After we have journey long and are wearied with war
He makes us to lie down, beside the still waters,
He gives us rest and we eat from His hand.

He sang with the heavenlies

A room of God-chasers calling on His name
Funny some thought that they were there to praise
when some realized they were there to meet Him there
Those moments were life, health, and truth.

Your spirit quakes
You call it humbled
He calls it quickened

Opening your mouth and heart
new life floods in
we are here for many moments
that span into years
but were are always here before Him

And when we pause
And when we gather
And when we acknowledge the fact
Heaven kisses earth

Saturday, April 18, 2009

To Listen to the Noise

She realized something great today because she sees over many seas:
a complete person is the one that is completely with their God.

She saw this girl that was seeking wisdom and understanding
from those that stood in darkness.

It meant death for her to forget that they were not with
their God and could not offer her light on her situation.

Her heart went on listening and she found their sadness and
separation; then she remembered her God.

Completely in her God was the distance of east and west from

I Fear the Age to Come

Especially with each breath bringing me closer
I fear the age to come
the chance that I might not be the shining light in my dreams
the chance that I might still have the same hope of becoming
Dying to evolve into that butterfly
seeing the others fly towards the Sun

I fear the age to come
It's what brings me here
to this place where everything isn't worth a second glance
no interest in a go at romance

When at last I am at that day
will I be another in that age?
The poison of death takes you slowly
You think you're living, you're really living out your
last rites

oil running from my head
The transformation from darkness to white
white hairs cover our faces
Do we look like Him?

Do we even witness what He does?
He does not live in sorrow,
yet we are in the valley of shadows and sorrow
We cannot see the light, no not even as it is
emanating from us.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Test - Winners have winning habits

This is a test,
this is only a test,
to see if I can buy back my time
by writing in rhyme and
setting this post for my travel day.

This is a test,
this is only a test,
to see if I will work smart when
I know how to, or
if I will continue to do the same.

This is a test.

This Last Dance

If you knew that you would say goodbye forever today.
If you knew you would have to drink the poison and flow into the ether,
what would you give to the one that you love as yourself?

If you knew this was your final dance,
your final hour on the stage,
the lights burning the last image of you on their memory,
what then would you give?

If you knew there was no tomorrow,
no see you later,
no cheery good-bye,
If you knew it was struck fate,
dead end, no more finishes...

How would you tell them you love them,
that you were taking their memory with you to endless comfort?
How would you say to them that they had made this journey worth the walking?

Would it be another day like today,
dying to be alive,
thinking about what you should say and do?

Would you let it slip and never return if you knew...
If you knew that this was the last dance that you'd ever dance with them,
If you knew this was the last place that you'd ever bring them,
would the God-nature be in those moments that cause us to create lives?

Fire In the Belly

It's not close to love.
It's not even close.
It doesn't look like it or smell like it.
I know it's a passion, for what, I know not what,
and I know it gives me strength to go on.

I do not know why I do not tire when there is a fire...
I did not light, which cannot not be fanned
which cannot not be touched
not this time.

It's not love.
It's not even close to love,
yet similar, it creates sparks of passion.

Monday, April 13, 2009

The Decision

(Which is better, act now, think later or think now, act later?)

I've been sitting here and thinking of getting my life back in order.
I've been thinking about going out and getting some job applications
and going back to school too.

I've been thinking about calling my boo and telling him I love him.
Just thinking about it.

Flip the switch on this habit.

I've been getting my life back in order but I haven't thought about what
I want exactly. I'll figure it out as I go along.
I've applied for several jobs and no one has replied yet; let me keep moving.
I'm enrolled in school again, what a feeling to be around thinkers again.

I called my boo and hesitated to tell him that I loved him. I was thinking,
"I wonder what he's thinking." He said, "I miss you." I said, "I miss you too."

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Just When You Loosed Me

Do you want to climb the barrier?
Would you like to knock it down?
Or do you want to stand strong with a thousand others against it?
Pushing with the strength of a thousand souls against the crest of the wave that keeps
one oppressed.

You did not know
they had you locked up in your mind.
With fear
With doubting
You did not know they designed the mistrust,
a christening into the hopelessness.

Sometimes in the sacred year of childhood you hear Him whispering--
you're free.
And as you grow your only challenge is to believe.
Far from everything else, and how it seems...this truth remains.
Just when He looses you and you're walking on water,
the fear seizes you.

Is this humanity?
is fear what separates us from God?
There is no fear in Love.
Perfect love casts out fear.

Friday, April 10, 2009

what my spirit said

There are none wealthy, none poor.
There are some with faith that can be quenched
and some with faith like nuclear fire.

There are none foolish, none wise.
There are those that seek truth
and those that ignore it.

There are none gifted, none talentless.
There are some that run with little
and those that wait for more.

And they wait, and will be waiting...

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Beyond the Midrash

In him was the key
the flesh and blood would be our purity
none are forced to come and dine
the wedding invitation is open
to those who would die
for him

Divinity would die for us
Divinity died for us
Love is beyond death
Love is beyond understanding
Love, that fire unquenchable;

Love burns in every heart,
Says His name in every breath.
Love continues to create,
and passion is what populates the earth.

Little fires are power.
The focus on time, energy, and passion...
the willingness to do to the death,
there is progress.
We can never separate ourselves from
any more than we can separate ourselves from the Breath.


And because He loves me I am the fire of love
And the fierceness of hate is many waters
Then if we meet we both shall cease

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Tired in the Morning

I was eating all day because something was eating me when I woke up this morning.
Although everyone in my family was proud of themselves, all of us needed to look in the mirror.
For the last five years my father has purchased things he cannot afford to impress people.
For the last five years my mother has labored unhappily at the same job.
For the last five years my brother has resigned himself to a life of sex, drugs, and video games.
And for the last five years I have traveled the world at my parents expense.

This morning I was tired of it and had bitten into change. How long must one tear at the dusty circumstances for them to cease? I thought I had changed two months ago. I thought I had a new beginning a week ago, then I realized that I was just guilty by association. And that is what I would always be, one step closer, as long as I was dying to connect.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I Write Poems

I write poems. I must feel to write them so I have not written in a while. I'm going through life not feeling much of anything, like when you're on a small boat...soon you just get use to the rocking that used to make you sick. And today, quite by accident I remembered a way that I have come to write poems in the past. Most have been from relationship troubles but some have been response to songs. This is my response to:

Is the purpose to be full or to be empty or to be satisfied with either?
Is the purpose to make others happy or to make yourself happy?
Is the purpose to be still or to live in stillness wherever you go?
Is the purpose to laugh at life's impossibilities or cry?
Is the purpose to rejoice in your strength or in your weakness?
Is the purpose to learn or to learn to forget?
Is the purpose to learn of yourself or of others?
Is the purpose to build or to simplify?
Is the purpose to...

When I was lead to the stream, and I saw that life really had little meaning,
because life was created by The Indescribable One,
We flow out to no certain end, and we could not understand that others were
as much a part of us as the other particles of water.

And would we be kind to them?
For kindness was really kindness to ourselves,
and our great error in thinking that we were other.


And I am waiting for him
four years
And I am longing for him
four years
And I cannot be wrapped up again
four years
Unless he comes

I was upset by honors that were given me
and I could ignore every quote I learned if it could
be exchanged for creative genius
I am a tempest met with a complacent wind
My storming does not move them
my storming does not make them move or fly
I have wearied myself with boasting my truths,
with swearing that they needed to be educated again?
What of my education?
I have learned to shut up
and listen
and to disappear
and to move silently
and not despair
that the world does not understand
that you just wanted to to know them...
or rather for them to know you as you are
and not try to change you.

Cease and begin again
They are chasing the dollar and not its worth
It would be easier for them to believe me if I slept on a
pile of dollars, but that's dirty,
I keep my bed swept clean
not a dollar in sight ever

(The Red Paper Clip Story, a response)
What did you build this house on?
Bricks, cement, or
hopes and dreams,
an experiment,
an adventure you dared to live