Thursday, July 22, 2010


We suffer because we know there is something better

I remember a mountain climb
in hail, we were thirsty, one of us wounded
In selfishness I had bounded ahead,
I left the wounded behind...

But, you Rachel, stayed with our wounded friend
You, wrapped with two heavy packs on the front and back
But when I and another reached the top and found we couldn't leave
When rain started falling, hail so thick we couldn't see

You climbing up

I feared then. I feared for your life.

After ten miles of hellish heat, we started back down again to find you
the flash flooding could have killed us
the lightning could have killed us
the hail should have killed us
but we pressed though

Now, what can be said.
What an adventure, none dead.
But, I cannot fathom the story with another ending.


Just as He went
up that hill for us
suffering and death could not have been on his mind
the rescue
He suffered because He knew there was something better


Right, the sun refused to shine
Wicked beings killing our Maker?
Do you suppose there was some earth quaker?
Or did she shake with fury at injustice?

I imagine the sun said, "I can't watch this..."
I imagine the earth tried to do what He wouldn't permit.
He held the earth still, called no angels to His will.
He drank suffering and with passion said, forgive them.

Can we pray that prayer?

"We must focus on Jesus, the source and goal of our faith. He saw the joy ahead of him, so he endured death on the cross and ignored the disgrace it brought him. Then he received the highest position in heaven, the one next to the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:2

(Remembering P4CM

If I Had Written Him

Some of your words move me
they shake me alive
while we are remembering pilgrims' breath
while we are being put to the test
we remember

Some of your words shake me
I am in disbelief
that the God of love
has written disaster for His enemies
let that not be my meditation

You in your holy place, looking down,
You here with us
You the greatest sacrifice
How can we be all things?
How can we be three in one?


Maybe I'm absent from a proper existence right now
Maybe I'm in the desert of doubt wandering
wanting things that cannot be found
in this desert

What; You Spring Water
You Bring Water, You Bring Life

but we have to wade there.

I was waiting for You to call me

I was waiting for Your audible voice.
Why are You content to wait for our worship to come.

I guess it's all below You. Mindsets. Emotions. Lies.
I guess it's all a far memory now, Jesus.
When you say Your prayers today for me,
Remember to add verse 10, in chapter 7 in Song of Songs.

Thursday, July 15, 2010


John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.

Didn't know that when I let you in it would be a constant bleed
Love is felt here, and love can kill
especially when the blade enters and splits open...
7 months set up for a spill

penetrated deep

Don't press it 'gainst a tree
Life was so carefree before I was hunted
For sport, not meat
For game, not heat

Can't get far, bleeding love.
Why do I believe you?

(Meaning: lovers lie and it rips your heart out to know you were used. At this point, I am in a cycle of receiving excuses and forgiving and forgiving, when I wish I had just gotten away.)

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Knew Me

There's nothing new about ignored calls
Crossed phone lines
Busy signals and missing depth

It's times like these when I wish
my emotions, I could lock up in a bottle
and throw away

What brings me here today
Checking your Facebook page
Have you found another?
And another?

If you'd said something, it'd be simple,
but your silence is like new temple
no worshipers, useless and empty

It's like the light I set up
before I go to sleep because I am afraid
that someone has been peeping in my window
I want to see them, so I keep it on
they always crash outside and get away
I know they've seen me
I wonder if they knew me at some point

At least they come around sometimes
I never welcomed them into my bedroom
like I welcomed you
But you stood still
They stand still and look
The reaction is the same, in a furious
rage we plan to gun them down

Wish love wasn't so volatile
wish I could extract it
every time I felt it excreting somewhere in my brain
I would trap it
And wrap it up
And give it away
To some young lover, that knows it's use,
Yes, they would use it well.


My Magnificent God of Heaven
Has not touched the hairs that are
falling from my head with new speed
now that I am again alone

My Magnificent God of Heaven
Sits in a silence I know too well
letting me feel what he felt
this hell of love without Him

My Magnificent God of Heaven
Knows the sighs, the woes, of having--
not having, be your meditation
and He waits