On Dreaming

Feel like it is a hardening cloud of doubt
when I'm in I'm out of it
I feel like everyone's a friend
I want to paint the lives of fairy tales, wishes,
then I wake up and doubt if I was dreaming

Because this God, this greater Being
Has given me eyes for seeing--The Great Beyond
If I doubt that we are here
If I hear the weight of glory rushing in
when I look into your tear drenched existence
What else can it be
But a waking dream?

---

Today I poured through the dreamscapes of nine years ago.
I searched for the girl I've come to know, but I found me
there in her stead. Laughing at was was hoped for and what
was said. It's like dead men trying to reach their loved ones
across a gulf to paradise and the lost ones...that believed.

My mother told me that she's happy I'm awake-realistic.
It is anguish to me. I swore that I would never forget that
science and liberties to not define what is. It's all in the mind
it's all in time that you find--the strength to climb the
dreamscapes.

In my dreams I was in love. I loved in many places. I loved
through smoke enough to bring those sights and sounds
before my waking eyes. The frightening, quickening sounds
that remind you that your being is not made of flesh.

Now...now it seems I loathe to be that free. I must be careful
with you and me. I cannot trust that you'll be good. I never
give like we know we should. And I'm irritated that I have
even thought to rhyme about it. Because at one point it was
not my song.

----

Chaos
Bright lights, bright lights, you're squinting
you pulled away from it
Those winds can turn you over
when it seems you could not be moved
the more you're awakened the more you lose--
touch with that place where love and mystery clothe you.
And you're not ashamed to bear your nakedness because you're
wrapped in God. Back to chaos--away with order as defined by the
lesser mind. If you can feel the crimson flood, if you can hear the horn
of righteousness. If you can really know that everything is wrong and it's okay
because this world is ending in a day. Then crash, crash into it--the chaos, that order He permits.

And even when...

her countenance has fallen
she's angry to dwell on this earth away from love
she bargained with God for a measure of goodness
if You give this for that, she said, my life is yours...

hmhmhmph to the One that owns everything.

IT DIDN'T WORK LIKE SHE PLANNED!

now she sees sadness everywhere she looks,
like a child,
yes, like a child,
she thought, "I'll just wrench my life back then."
In His hands--the fighting and the wrenching,
the burning and disappointment.

What was in her eyes when she looked at me...
the fear of the fallen, that the world was not mended,
that everything is still not right and may never very well be
in her time.

In her time she just wanted to stretch out to the sky in defiance.
i can fly
earth you fade
i continue
i can fly

And with a mind pregnant with such ambitions
she waited for them to become

...what's my place?
I saw in her eyes my saddness.

"Let God be God."

---

You were not made to be a giant,
but to go forth with meekness and giant deeds on this earth.

You were not made to endure as long as the sun,
but as long as the Son is with you.

Be sure His Spirit be with you when you make your fantastic plans.
...cause sometimes these beautiful and grand deeds that we think
we are supposed to do for Him,
they don't come close to completion
no not to beginning.

Do not strive He said.
Be still and know that I am God.

Let's build Him another house while we wait.
The One above the heavens.
Let's build Him another house,
that the poor and the needy
cannot enter.

Where your brothers are the wolves.
Ravenous, not for your flesh but for dreams...
dare not dream while they sit,
dare not move in their sight,
no do not ask for prayer or a blessing,
they will counsel you that the dream is born
of a foolish heart.

And even when you swear you heard God Himself speak.
They will say be silent.

And even when you're building a bridge there with prayer and tears.
They will say be quiet.

So even when all seems untouched and unmoved by the Mighty One.
And you have put all that you could and should into this dream.
Remember...faith sees without seeing.