Friday, October 23, 2009
Feel like it is a hardening cloud of doubt
when I'm in I'm out of it
I feel like everyone's a friend
I want to paint the lives of fairy tales, wishes,
then I wake up and doubt if I was dreaming
Because this God, this greater Being
Has given me eyes for seeing--The Great Beyond
If I doubt that we are here
If I hear the weight of glory rushing in
when I look into your tear drenched existence
What else can it be
But a waking dream?
Today I poured through the dreamscapes of nine years ago.
I searched for the girl I've come to know, but I found me
there in her stead. Laughing at was was hoped for and what
was said. It's like dead men trying to reach their loved ones
across a gulf to paradise and the lost ones...that believed.
My mother told me that she's happy I'm awake-realistic.
It is anguish to me. I swore that I would never forget that
science and liberties to not define what is. It's all in the mind
it's all in time that you find--the strength to climb the
In my dreams I was in love. I loved in many places. I loved
through smoke enough to bring those sights and sounds
before my waking eyes. The frightening, quickening sounds
that remind you that your being is not made of flesh.
Now...now it seems I loathe to be that free. I must be careful
with you and me. I cannot trust that you'll be good. I never
give like we know we should. And I'm irritated that I have
even thought to rhyme about it. Because at one point it was
not my song.
Bright lights, bright lights, you're squinting
you pulled away from it
Those winds can turn you over
when it seems you could not be moved
the more you're awakened the more you lose--
touch with that place where love and mystery clothe you.
And you're not ashamed to bear your nakedness because you're
wrapped in God. Back to chaos--away with order as defined by the
lesser mind. If you can feel the crimson flood, if you can hear the horn
of righteousness. If you can really know that everything is wrong and it's okay
because this world is ending in a day. Then crash, crash into it--the chaos, that order He permits.