Feelings that come and go

IHOP.ORG Live Stream @1:00PM-2:00PM CST Tim Reimherr 

Look I fled from your grace, because I wanted perfection.
The perfection to come in the latter days,
or rather when You become Dayspring.

But, in hours I turned again.
And I don't know why.
It's better here.
I think.
I believe.

Everything is wearying but sitting with You.
Everything takes,
but You give.

I don't want to live in the "one day."

Guess that's where I am. It pulls me. It tears me. My unfaithful heart.
My selfishness. My demands.
Perfect one! My soul groans for Your Perfection!

What will I share with them?
Better days to come?
My brother said that wasn't worth living for, not better tomorrows.
I told him enjoy Your love and guidance today.
And every day I struggle to find it, to be there....sometimes
it seems too long,
our translation into light.

However, not only creation groans. We, who have the Spirit as the first of God's gifts, also groan inwardly. We groan as we eagerly wait for our adoption, the freeing of our bodies [from sin]. (Romans 8:23; GOD'S WORD Translation)

She drifts to sleeplessness

While listening to the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon Soundtrack

I wait in a meditative state for You oh Ancient of Days
away from Eden
to hear Your counsel for these final days
Your voice walks between consciousness
I hear You when I think I'm awake
and to remember your words is life to my bones
Your words endure beyond them

Two Feet In Front of Me

My whole life was two feet in front of me
where I would decide to go
what I would decide to do
and who I would decide to listen to
from now--on

It's on, and I cannot focus on what I need to do
These pixels are perfect
Not a reflection of the users at all
Two feet in front of me lies my life

In a basement, undisclosed
Closed off rather
"Do Not Disturb"
I'm trying to make something out of nothing,
or pixels, same thing right?

Two feet in front of me.

Don't have time to listen to your problems.
I'm trying to fix my own. I'm sure Google knows...
how to fix a life,
half-lived
I've only moved two feet towards what I can give

The rest is lost in memories, digital photos of the places
I've gone
The people
I've met
The past, but what of the becoming--
isolated?

Two feet in front of me,
what a wonderful gift
to go
to an online chatroom and find neighbors across the world
can't stand the ones across the street
right?
The ones through the lines have an airbrushed illusion of me
that they admire

I thought I'd love it. I hate it.
I've only shared my good, but I expect them to know my failure.
Are we done pretending?

So I'm taking my two feet, stuffed neatly beneath my desk, and I'm sitting here until I complete--
what I started. An accurate depiction of disconnect.

Response to Jim Rohn's talk "Turning Nothing Into Something"

The Decision

(Which is better, act now, think later or think now, act later?)

I've been sitting here and thinking of getting my life back in order.
I've been thinking about going out and getting some job applications
and going back to school too.

I've been thinking about calling my boo and telling him I love him.
Just thinking about it.

Flip the switch on this habit.

I've been getting my life back in order but I haven't thought about what
I want exactly. I'll figure it out as I go along.
I've applied for several jobs and no one has replied yet; let me keep moving.
I'm enrolled in school again, what a feeling to be around thinkers again.

I called my boo and hesitated to tell him that I loved him. I was thinking,
"I wonder what he's thinking." He said, "I miss you." I said, "I miss you too."